So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
