nut hugger
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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