Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
