My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
