just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
