Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
