New low: just hacked my moms facebook
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I would ride that face into the sunset
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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