I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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