so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
