I'm going to rape someone's good day.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
