I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
