Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
