True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
third nipple confirmed
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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