I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
