She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
