guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
