its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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