Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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