Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
