Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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