My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
