fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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