i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
