Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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