In the future we'll all be gay
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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