i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this will be a night to untag.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
