I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
