I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
