Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
