I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The power of my boobs compel you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
