i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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