Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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