Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
