That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
