What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
