butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
