I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
