just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
