Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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