What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
