im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
