Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
