dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
