Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
