dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
