3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
