Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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