No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
And then he peed in my hair
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
