I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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