She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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