Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
