Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
