In the future we'll all be gay
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
