I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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